Watch the video above all the way through as Coach Lee discusses the stages your ex will go through while you are using the no contact rule. Then, read the content below carefully to help yourself retain and reinforce the knowledge you need about the stages your ex will likely go through.
People often think that their ex walks away unscathed after they break up with them. As though the leaver flicks a switch at the moment of the breakup and immediately starts having a great life that never includes thoughts of the person they left or doubts about their decision to end the relationship. At the moment of this writing I have nearly twenty years in the relationship recovery service and I can tell you that thinking your ex has a simple path after they broke up with you is most likely untrue.
If you start applying the no contact rule after the breakup, you are not only giving yourself the best chance to get your ex back, but you are responding with maturity and dignity. While you are not contacting your ex, they are forced and allowed to experience the true consequences of their decision to break up with you. This happens as an emotional reaction or response to loss, grief, and various seasons of realization. It probably hurts some, but it is necessary and in your best interest that your ex goes through this first stage during no contact.
So the relief is less about getting away from you though there is likely some of that and more about being glad they got something over with that was difficult, awkward, and painful. The sooner you leave your ex completely alone did I say completely?
During the relief period, you might see pictures on social media of your ex going out with friends and even acting silly. Your ex is doing this because there is an initial realization of freedom and all the possibilities that exist with it. Your prison is walking through this world all alone.
Your ex will then start to live in the new normal that they have caused which will be days and nights without you. After the initial relief your ex will feel right after the breakup, the next stages of no contact usually after a one to three weeks put your ex in a stage of curiosity. Your ex begins to wonder what you are doing, since they used to be informed of your daily experiences when you two were together.
Your ex also likely begins to wonder who you are doing things with and since they have no answers, this mystery sticks with them with growing intensity. Their curiosity exists even if your ex is in a rebound relationship. In fact, any new person will be easily accessible and informing your ex of their daily activities which makes yours a greater mystery and frustration.
Stages Your Ex Goes Through During No Contact
If there is a rebound relationship happening in this stage, your ex can begin to view them as a nuisance and even see their relationship as artificial. This usually causes your ex to exit the rebound even earlier so breathe a sigh of relief for that.
Every time your ex sees a text or call from the new person, it only further fails to relieve the curiosity and mystery that still exists from stage 2 because it is not you. Though it starts off somewhat small, your ex can begin to associate disappointment in the calls, texts, and even in the presence of any new person there might be! If there is no new relationship, this applies to anyone who contacts them because your ex looks at their phone thinking it might be you but only sees that it is not — again.
As life without you begins to show itself to be disappointment, your ex enters the next stage of our plan.
Whereas you ex felt mostly an artificial breakup because it was within their control. But that changes when your ex realizes that it appears you could move on with your life and be lost to another person or that you could simply stop wanting to get back together with them. They worry that you might have moved on and they lose the ability to expect you to reach out to them.Stages of Grief- I'm the dumper at Week 5 self. I've been the dumper and the dumpee and I don't know which is worse.
Right now I am the former trying to remember how to cope. I dumped my boyfriend who I am still in love with because I was deeply unhappy in the relationship. I'm sure I'm not through all the stages yet, it's only been a month, so input is welcome on what I can expect next.
For anyone reading who's ever been dumped by someone for reasons other than infidelity, it might help to realize that unless your ex is a complete complete sociopath, they probably didn't make the decision lightly. Marriage freaks me out, but he was the first man I've ever dated that I saw that future with. It wasn't working for me though. We fought a lot and we want decidedly different things from the future. I didn't feel he was putting as much into the relationship as I was.
DAY Immediate relief. He started a massive fight over some dumb shit for the last time. I couldn't even feel sad dumping him because I was so relieved not to go through another pointless and agonizing fight.
I immediately lost anger about the fight in question as soon as I cut the chord. It no longer mattered. I instantly felt liberated from a never ending cycle of anger, sadness, from judgement by him and from indecision from within myself.
Holy shit I am single for the first time in 2 years. I don't have to ask someone else's permission to plan a trip, or deal with someone else's opinion about how I'm spending my free time, or have someone nagging me about about what am I doing and what I'm not doing, I'm free from having to care about how he is living his life as well.
I'm free to see what else and who else is out there. Holy shit I'm alone for the first time in 2 years. I don't want to go to work. I don't want to do anything. I just want to sit and be sad. I want carbs. Why does all food taste like cardboard? I just want to talk about it but I don't want to talk to anyone.
Seriously why are people talking to me? Fuck small talk. Fuck deep conversations too. I just want to sleep all day. Why can't I sleep through the night?
Where were all the hot men I saw when I was in a relationship?? Being single is not all its cracked up to be why is every single dude is creepy af and weird?? DAY Anger.This isn't really a question, just thought I should share my story with others going through break ups. Hopefully the dumpees out there can think about this situation when trying to move on.
Long story short, after 1. He also explained that since he is going to be a freshman in college he would need time to focus on himself I will be a senior in HS. I didn't really beg for him back, but I did try to talk it out with him first to make sure this was something he really wanted.
He seemed as if his mind was really set so I let him go. We tried to remain friends and kept in contact for the next week with scattered texts on random days. It was then after that I told him I would be doing NC in order to really get over him, and that he shouldn't reach out to me until I'm ready. I only told him because he would've kept messaging me anyway with no clue and I would've replied. A week passes and I'm taking the best steps to get over the break up.
I got back into running, hung out with old friends, and really focused on myself.
Of course I also cried a lot but was accepting that the break up was for the best. Then out of nowhere someone sends me a link to some girl's blog, which is where I see that my ex has already found a rebound with no time for self-healing or getting over me!
I called him last night to check up on him three weeks after the break up which is where he tells me he regrets breaking up with me dumper's guilt and thinks about me every night and how he realizes he loves me.
However, his feelings for me are still cloudy and he has made no progress on himself since he jumped straight to rebound. I am done with his wishy-washiness. I told him about how I am for the most part moved on already, and I'm actually doing better than when I was in the relationship. He will come to me when he is ready, but I am already going to continue moving on. I am moving on because I deserve someone who knows in their very heart and soul that they are in love with me.
I still have a soft spot for my first love, and when the timing is right and after I make him work hard for it, MAYBE then I would consider taking him back. His rebound is moving all the way across the state for college, so in the end he lost both girls. I know it sounds harsh, but he needs this as a wake up call. I'm sorry if this was too long, I'm not even sure if anyone will read or respond to this.
Either way, I just wanted to put my story out there. If you just got dumped, the best thing you really can do is move on for now, because even if you get back together with your ex, it would be starting a new relationship entirely.That is to find out. In fact, this could do a lot of damage to your mental health. How it Applies: This may be the catalyst that tips the dumper over the edge, causing them to decide to end the relationship.
This is usually the tipping point, the last straw that will take him over the edge, causing him to end the relationship. What to Expect: If you got caught in an affair, you could expect an outburst or the silent treatment. They may just not want to talk to you about it. If they have a temper, you can expect them to show anger.
How it Applies: During this stage, the dumper may feel concerned as they try to come up with the best way to end the relationship. They may feel depressed just thinking about having you out of their life and worried about how the breakup may affect your friendship.
They may think and feel like your hurt will be their fault. In this stage, they may act sweeter than usual. They are trying to find the best way to soften the blow. If you suspect your relationship is about to end and you understand why then you may want to think ahead of the game and end things yourself. As the dumper starts to formulate a breakup plan, he probably feels anxious.
What to Expect: You may find your partner to be nervous, upset, or strange. If you foresee this stage coming, you can expect a breakup in the upcoming future. Again, if possible, beat him to the punch and become the dumper yourself. He may feel like a weight has lifted off his shoulders right now. What to Expect: You are the dumpee now. It sucks, I know.
Stages Of A Breakup For The Dumper
Focus on what you can do next.If you have been in a relationship for a long time, you probably would fear to lose your partner. Sometimes it leads to mental disease as well, called OCD. You love him or her too much because of an attachment that grows up from time to time, and at a stage, it reaches on a strong bond.
Once that bond is broken, the person also breaks inside, and that's too painful feeling ever. The person after break up undergoes many depressing thoughts and even suicidal. That's why he or she needs a proper guideline after a break up ; if not, he or she may suffer more. There are some stages of Dumper Regret, explained below. The first stage of Dumper Regret is Anger.
STAGES OF DUMPER REGRET
When your partner cheats on you, you become furious. You get negative thoughts about your partner, and sometimes you think about revenge or even harming him or her. Such thoughts are harmful to both of you physically and mentally. The best option is to think about the reasons behind the breakup, why did he or she do so? When you try to find out the answers, you eventually get into the feeling of relaxation.
There might be a misunderstanding or mistake unconsciously made by you. Lovemagnet is guiding countless people. Although worrying earlier thought, it occurs when you are in love with someone, and you do not want to lose him or her, but still, after the breakup, it remains stuck with you. Worrying about your ex is the sign of your immortal love for him or her. It is one of the basic feelings of love. It is better to keep the feeling with you, but do not take it too sensitively; otherwise, it can mentally torture you.
Lovemagnet is a site where you can find the most appropriate solutions like the sweetest things to say to your husband. People who worry about their loved ones thought to be very sympathetic, which is a very beneficial quality for mental health. Anxiety is an extreme feeling of worrying. When a person stuck in something uncontrollable, he or she falls in anxiety that is one major factor of depression. It is usual among people who suffer from recent breakup or heartbreak.
It is a stage of Dumper Regret. Falling into anxiety is normal after a breakup, but letting it increase day by day is your fault. It is a severe condition, must be looked after.What do you do when the joy fades? You take steps to break up with the person. Depending on what caused you to break up with the person, will determine how long it takes you to get over them. Letting that person go, breaking up with that person, whom you shared an emotional bond with, will at first, give you a sense of relief.
You will feel like a ton weight has just been removed from your back, and it will be a great feeling. You will feel more at ease, more relaxed, more joyful and energized. Other emotions you may feel during this stage are anger maybe even intense anger and satisfaction.
And depending on the length of time that the relationship took place, will determine how long you will be in this post-breakup stage, and feeling this sense of relief. For longer relationships, this post-breakup stage can take anywhere around 6 months sometimes even longer. Whereas, after ending shorter relationships, you will usually be in this relief stage for around 1 — 3 months.
Many dating experts also suggest going no-contact with your ex during this stage. They say that this stage tends to go by quicker in if you have no communication with the person you dumped. You may want to go to parties and will want to have more fun.
It will feel like a celebration. How you carry yourself and the activities you take part in during this stage, will work as a distraction to take your mind off of all of the negative things that occurred during your relationship.
You will find yourself taking part in activities that you may not have tried during your relationship, but may have had an urge to. These distractions will work as a stress reliever.
They will allow you to release all of the built-up negative energy and tension that you held in during your relationship. The release will feel like therapy. During this excitement stage, depending on the length of time that the relationship took place, will determine how long you will be in this post-breakup stage, and feeling this sense of emotional liberation.
For longer relationships, this post-breakup stage can take anywhere around 3 — 12 months sometimes longer.Dumper's Mindset: Wrong and Strong
Whereas, after ending shorter relationships, you will usually be in this excitement stage for around a month. After you feel the relief of getting out of a stressful relationship, and you feel the excitement of your freedom, and you start to have fun like you never had before, your emotions will run higher, and higher. Once you come down from your positive emotional high, your mind will start to wonder, and your thoughts will begin to race back and forth, You will begin to feel all types of negative emotions as you play the relationship back in your head, and you will become sad….What I went through as the dumper, my emotional stages.
Hello everyone, I see that many people don't see from the dumpers side and I want to share what I went through.
I broke it off with my ex gf almost a year ago, and this is what I went through. I felt this way with every case I was the dumper except one, I dumped 3 times. The one I didn't feel like this, she cheated on me and ran over my dog on purpose Lasted months.
Most dumpers will feel this because these thoughts have been weighing down on them, and once it's done they feel no more pressure. Lasted weeks. As I started to think of her more, I found that I was starting to hurt.
I thought it was just because I was lonely so I brushed it off. Fake acceptance. Last 1 month. I told myself I'm going to move on, and pretend I didn't want her or miss her. I felt that she was gone forever and I'd have no chance. Missing and hope for reconciliation. Lasted 2 months. I took a long time to think about it, and I discovered that I truly felt like dumping her was the wrong thing to do. I didn't go back to her because I was lonely, because I was guilty, or for sex.
I wanted this girl to be in my life and in my future. About the break up, I had a lot f family issues which caused me stress, plus she became more and more clingy which pushed me away. I felt like I fell out of love.
I started to grow up, and look at what I had. I think my love was more so covered by the stress than gone. I think if you truly love someone, you always will unless they do some really bad things. We are back together, and I needed to win her trust back which wasn't easy, but I'm glad I did.